‘oh – there goes dad – i’ll get the wet-dry vac’

love looks like
a father of a father
who suddenly no longer smells of cigarettes
melting into the living room carpet
his laughter alive and intermingling
with chirps and grinning gurgles
of his baby daughter, grand.

a father, paranoid

shoulder high silhouette  

in my darkened dining room

as i mount the stairs and then pause eyebrows taut and pensive 

sleeping child and wife above

microwaved nachos and a bowl of salsa in my hands

i turn back and down the stairs

and bravely face the opening from foyer into darkened dining room

yes, i see you

mylar balloon i forgot was in here

no my heart is not racing 

do not be stupid you are a balloon

goodnight keep an eye out for intruders. 

media, social, and the author

‘oh, babies are great except when they’re horrible mine had a hard time doing _____ and i bet yours will too have you been watching for milestones you really should good luck what a baby is it a little heavy/not heavy enough are you sure you’re feeding it correctly what a cute boy girl it, just wait until it starts _____ing and then life really gets fun and i mean horrible good luck!’

* * *

‘i realize there are human beings who are hungry and sick and dying but my cat has been trying to get into med school for years please help my family is suffering from the devastating loss of our canary for the last six years i remember him he was a bird i don’t know how we’ll recover.’

* * *

‘this new diet i have tried that involves limiting my intake to left handed green meats and beans handled only by children ages 6-8 isn’t really working for some reason no i haven’t tried eating reasonably and exercising but i did make a smoothie rich in antioxidants and other expensive foodstuffs goat cheese.’

* * *

‘happy birthday.’

* * *

*posts status update, stares at ‘notifications’ button, paces the room cursing himself for being such a fool, sees a bright red ‘1’ pop up, sweet relief, the game continues.*

 

 

‘i said all of the cash *and* your chocolate milk!’

i thought you should know

in the dream i had the other night

we both wore pantyhose on our heads

while robbing a gas station in 1985 suburban chicago

and

what troubles me the most

is not the logistics of time travel or

the fact that you were carrying

a loaded revolver strapped to your thigh

and didn’t tell me about it

(i thought we were supposed to have

open lines of communication, but

we’ll have to settle that point in des moines)

is that i’m near certain the pantyhose

were used.