life matters

life matters.

subject: life

verb: matters

whenever i see characters on tv or in movies submerged under water, i instinctively hold my breath for the majority of the scene (which may explain why i blacked out when trying to watch spongebob). i won’t realize i’m doing it until i get light headed – that’s how natural it is for my body to fight to live.

life matters. if you are in a burning building, how quickly do you exit? during severe weather, are you walking the dog or seeking shelter? if a car skids off the road in front of you, do you stop to help or at least mumble ‘i hope they’re ok?’

our initial instinct is to preserve and defend life – our own and of others. it can show in parents staring at the baby monitor even though everything is fine, the fact that life preservers dot the sides of boats and pools, and our own fight or flight response.

***

check it – sports do not matter. they don’t. we call them ‘games’ and the verb associated with them is ‘play.’ sports are an escape – a valuable one, a place where we can learn about and express ourselves through our own competition or being a fan.

sports bring together a nation – the biggest churches on sundays are nfl stadiums, where gladiators and the shield are worshiped (or booed). but the games themselves do not matter at all not one bit. everyone goes home once the clock hits zero.

life is what matters.

a symbol is meaningless if it cannot be understood (i mean, that’s why it’s important to be able to read, ya know?) or if it does not represent the audience.

the greatness of this nation, in principle, is that it is built to be open to interpretation. that is why we are, in theory, a free people, why speech and religion and the press are protected for all citizens.

so we can say and show what we think, feel, and believe.

i’m beyond tired of waking up to the news of another unarmed or unaggressive black man being shot by officers sworn to protect and serve. and i’m damn sure a lot of other people are, too.

there is no ‘but’ or ‘yeah, ok, but what about ______’ in this place.

life matters, period. the life of people and of person. colin kaepernick kneels because he believes life matters and believes, urgently, an earnest and paradigm altering conversation must take place.

considering i’m a middle class white dude, and *i* get nervous imagining myself kneeling during the anthem at an nc state game and the repercussions i might bring upon myself, i see kaepernick as one of the bravest living men in our nation.

he threatened his job security (he’s a backup and nfl contracts are not guaranteed – he could have been immediately cut and blackballed, for all he knew), his safety (he is receiving death threats) and drawing the ire of police sworn to protect (who have threatened not to provide off duty officers to provide security at games until he stands for the anthem).

love is love and love is courageous when love corrects instead of standing idly by. a family that has an intervention for an alcoholic does not hate that person – there is so much love that there is willingness to sacrifice comfort now for a greater

wait for it

 

life

 

in the future.

kaepernick is a patriot because he stands for life for his people and does not cower. kinda sounds like the dudes who threw all that tea into boston harbor because they weren’t represented.

i, too, will kneel, and no, that act unto itself will change nothing, but it will also open up conversations and, honestly, it will just help me sleep a little better to have expressed what i believe as opposed to what others think i should believe and do.

or maybe i’d just make a diorama.

it would take way too long
for me to
write out all of the
things i do not know
and like it would be
a nightmare like how would
i organize it alphabetically
maybe inverse order based
upon what i ‘should’ know
like gosh that’s intimidating
to think of putting into writing
and wait how would i even
be able to express what i don’t know
if like um
i don’t know it so then i’d have to
decide do i begin with at least two major
categories things i know i don’t know
and things i don’t even know at all

let’s breathe together ok

anyway

i love you and right yes what i do know is

you make your daddy very happy.

one-man life jacket

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sometimes metaphors

come to life

for just a moment

and sometimes

we are fortunate enough

that capture that moment.

(also sometimes
we’re lucky enough
that our arms look
amaaaziiiiiing
in that moment and gosh
look how sweet she is
rubbing her eyes oh my
darling and my love)

in da kitchen in my bwain

me am sleepy

go to sleep then

but me am no tired

what

i don’t know look it’s taken me twenty minutes to make this pbj and another seven to take one bite

what on earth does that have to do with being sleepy but not tired and why were you talking like that at first

*shrugs while chewing the second bite*

sure was a hot one today

why are you doing small talk

i dunno you were chewing and you started this conversation. i was ill-prepared to fill the void.

that’s what he said

k gnight

duchess/and then she spoke and said

an eyebrow flung itself above
the frame of her glasses

its arc traveled no more than a quarter inch
and
it rocked him back nonetheless

you know you dropped me the last time
we tried this

i know he said not looking away
i’ve been practicing

her eyes went back to her book
yes a real live book 

the page whispered as she turned it
he politely held his ground in silence
as
a few more pages whispered and then
she spoke and said 

i like having my feet rubbed.