media, social, and the author

‘oh, babies are great except when they’re horrible mine had a hard time doing _____ and i bet yours will too have you been watching for milestones you really should good luck what a baby is it a little heavy/not heavy enough are you sure you’re feeding it correctly what a cute boy girl it, just wait until it starts _____ing and then life really gets fun and i mean horrible good luck!’

* * *

‘i realize there are human beings who are hungry and sick and dying but my cat has been trying to get into med school for years please help my family is suffering from the devastating loss of our canary for the last six years i remember him he was a bird i don’t know how we’ll recover.’

* * *

‘this new diet i have tried that involves limiting my intake to left handed green meats and beans handled only by children ages 6-8 isn’t really working for some reason no i haven’t tried eating reasonably and exercising but i did make a smoothie rich in antioxidants and other expensive foodstuffs goat cheese.’

* * *

‘happy birthday.’

* * *

*posts status update, stares at ‘notifications’ button, paces the room cursing himself for being such a fool, sees a bright red ‘1’ pop up, sweet relief, the game continues.*

 

 

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