*shrug*

i believe that the lie
most often told to
ourselves is i don’t
know almost always we
do know we just do
not know how to say
whatever it is we know
or yet how to find
what it is that we know
or feel comfortable
expressing or willing
to deal with the
discomfort of thought
stirring up dust in
rooms we have learned
to avoid

how i admire her

i spent the 10 o’clock to whenever-i-publish-this-o’clock hour(s)
onafridaynight
onthelivingroomfloor

researching prefixes and suffixes of
metalic ions because i wanted to write
a proesm about some woman i know

shewasasleeponthecouch
she’sbeensickallweekandaballeralldatime

and wanted to use the literary device of metaphor
aptly to compare her to metal but like see i was gonna
create a ‘new’ metal by taking

waitforit

her first and middle names and adding
the appropriate suffix within chemistry nomenclature
for the molecule/ion/whatever
that is most like her

andyesitwasintentionaljustnow
sayingthemolecule/ion/whatever
wouldbelikeherandnot
theotherwayaround

* * *

  1. i learned more about chemistry and molecules and ions and stuff in the last seventy-five minutes than i ever did in high school or college. probably because i’m on two types of adhd medication now and since i’m researching in regards to a really hot woman who likes having sex with me, i’m a bit more inspired
  2. after deciding which metallic/chemistry ionic whatever ‘thing’ was most like her[1. she’s an anion, i didn’t like how any of those suffixes looked or sounded. seriously i can’t be writing a piece about how friggin’ amazing she is while utilizing the suffix  ‘-ide’ or ‘-ate’. we’re not savages, people. so, obviously, since all of that research for the perfect word resulted in the perfect word not being aesthetically pleasing, i just ditched the idea
  3. i decided that the ‘piece’ – the miracle of creation driven by my awe and reverence to the woman she is every minute of every day –

like, seriously, ya’ll,

asleep on the couch
buried in a furry blanket
sick and exhausted and spent
herSelf inspired me to spend an hour and fifteen minutes
researching chemistry
(i found this page in purdue university’s chemistry dept to be most helpful)
in hopes of harnessing an idea
intending to express

how i admire her.

 

 

princess flecked with leaves and love

when she saw me in the hall
windowed door behind me
friends and dirt beyond

her smile well beyond
joy

shaking giggling she bounded
towards me and i scooped her up
turned
threw open the door
that was behind and is again
behind me because we went
onto the playground and we played hide and seek and we played walking tag and we played duck duck goose and we played whats your favorite food with a dozen three and four year olds oh and we played three little pigs and big bad wolf with a four foot plastic triangular ladder i have no idea how no one got hurt and we sang abcs while she danced on a wooden stage

and at one point i turned
and saw her face down sobbing

she had tripped, you see
while out of my line of sight
and
the fifty big and little people on the playground with us disolved
and
i slid her into my lap
and held her like a daddy does
and god the sun struck
tears welled in her blue eyes
highlighting streaks of tears already fallen carving tracks down sweet dirty cheeks
and then she was ok

because four year old fox scarlett princesses are indestructable

and we played more
and she hugged me
many many times
before allowing me
to go home

her tattoos look nice with my own

her name is joy.

ok no like seriously it’s her actual name
yes i mean metaphor and she happens to
be joy(ful) but for real her name is joy

and

hm

when i think about her – like with intent,
well beyond the awareness one has
of things that exist, like on purpose,

i kinda just stop for a second
or four
and it’s not a sigh what is it ummmmmmmm

i just kinda do a breathe-and-hold-and-exhale
that’s different than how i, joel, normally breathe