i believe that the lie
most often told to
ourselves is i don’t
know almost always we
do know we just do
not know how to say
whatever it is we know
or yet how to find
what it is that we know
or feel comfortable
expressing or willing
to deal with the
discomfort of thought
stirring up dust in
rooms we have learned
to avoid

princess flecked with leaves and love

when she saw me in the hall
windowed door behind me
friends and dirt beyond

her smile well beyond

shaking giggling she bounded
towards me and i scooped her up
threw open the door
that was behind and is again
behind me because we went
onto the playground and we played hide and seek and we played walking tag and we played duck duck goose and we played whats your favorite food with a dozen three and four year olds oh and we played three little pigs and big bad wolf with a four foot plastic triangular ladder i have no idea how no one got hurt and we sang abcs while she danced on a wooden stage

and at one point i turned
and saw her face down sobbing

she had tripped, you see
while out of my line of sight
the fifty big and little people on the playground with us disolved
i slid her into my lap
and held her like a daddy does
and god the sun struck
tears welled in her blue eyes
highlighting streaks of tears already fallen carving tracks down sweet dirty cheeks
and then she was ok

because four year old fox scarlett princesses are indestructable

and we played more
and she hugged me
many many times
before allowing me
to go home

her tattoos look nice with my own

her name is joy.

ok no like seriously it’s her actual name
yes i mean metaphor and she happens to
be joy(ful) but for real her name is joy



when i think about her – like with intent,
well beyond the awareness one has
of things that exist, like on purpose,

i kinda just stop for a second
or four
and it’s not a sigh what is it ummmmmmmm

i just kinda do a breathe-and-hold-and-exhale
that’s different than how i, joel, normally breathe

noun verb qualifier > noun verb

so here’s where the verb-to-qualifier
thing makes such a difference
to the speaker to the audience:

noun verb/‘it broke’

see here ‘broke’ is a verb
there is no doubt that a thing
once whole broke and that kinda sounds like the end of that story like my pencil broke ok toss that shit let’s get a new one the lamp broke trash that pos and let’s go to target

noun verb qualifier/‘it is/was broken’

awwwwwwwww shiyutsee this is something
we can work with

there’s something about the language here that indicates what is or was broken can and will be or is already again whole. this isn’t the end of the story.

status is damn near always temporary. noun verb qualifier indicating status/i am tired/i am hungry/i am wearing a blue shirt/i am depressed/i need to poop

if the status of one is broken/brokenness, that status can and will be changed. which is why the author would argue that the noun qualified as broken never actually broke.

like i dunno maybe just go frisbee golfing or something instead

have you ever gone to a white nationalist rally and later found your face plastered all over social media? have you ever lost your job, friends and family, or enrollment in college because pictures of you showed up on one too many news feeds?

black and white footage of man closing his closet of swastika ladened regalia. He turns to see wife/mom/girlfriend/employer holding tablet/smartphone with a picture of the same man holding a torch. 

man breaks fourth wall by making knowing look to the camera and solemnly nodding

well do i have a solution for you!

shot goes to color, man’s face beams with anticipation

if you’re one of the hundreds of men facing the unfortunate circumstances of being doxxed

fine print appears at bottom of screen: doxxed – Having private information or identification published publicly, which is totally fine when we publish the home addresses of Jews in the media but really seems unfair when it happens to nazis/klan members 

for attending a white nationalist rally, there’s an easy and permanent solution so that you never have to worry about finding another job as a social pariah or explaining to those in your community ‘i’m not racist, i’m prideful.’

bright, colorful footage of healthy white men doing normal things like tying their shoes, walking into office buildings, sitting on park benches, not getting pulled over for minor traffic offenses, accompanied by uplifting soft-rock

you can avoid doxxing with one easy step!

  1. don’t be a god dammed idiot racist and don’t go to fucking white nationalist rallies, you dumb fucks, good god what is wrong with you people

and, for following step number one, i’ll even throw in a bonus step at no extra cost!

2.  furreal, y’all, let’s think about how much harder you have to work to be in a situation where you can be doxxed as opposed to not being doxxed:

  • you have to be a white nationalist
  • you have to find a rally to attend
  • you have to plan transportation. am i driving? should i rent a car? carpool? bus? train? ahhhh, shit, i should have planned this earlier – airfare is crazy expensive right now!
  • you have to do laundry and pack shit. like seriously, you have to get a suitcase out of your attic or closet and make sure you’ve got all of your toiletries and did i bring contact solution god dammit i forgot ugh i’ll just get some at a cvs on the way toothbrush any medications you’re taking all of that hair gel for your nazi hairdo and your laptop your laptop charger your phone charger and mother fucker i forgot a wall adapter for the usb i’ll also get that at cvs
  • you gotta figure out lodging. you have to take the time to look up hotel rooms and compare prices and like seriously on the way to your nazi sleepover you have to decide do i want the room with two queen beds or the king and a sleeper i dunno wilhelm do you feel ok on the sleeper or should we get two queen beds
  • you have to get someone to dog sit
  • you have to take the time to actually travel to the rally and meet up with your friends and probably get something to eat because you’re hungry
  • you have to attend the rally and carry a tiki torch and be kinda close to the front of the march
  • you have to attend the daytime rally and march down the streets with other nazis and klansfolk


do you see how much work you actually had to put into being in a situation where your idiot face could end up in your boss’s facebook feed? or for people to want to figure out who you are and contact literally any responsible adult within your sphere of existence?

just don’t be racist idiots.

just stay home. take up quilting. volunteer somewhere. try a bunch of different donut shops and then compare your experience with that of others.

just don’t be racist idiots.