or maybe i’d just make a diorama.

it would take way too long
for me to
write out all of the
things i do not know
and like it would be
a nightmare like how would
i organize it alphabetically
maybe inverse order based
upon what i ‘should’ know
like gosh that’s intimidating
to think of putting into writing
and wait how would i even
be able to express what i don’t know
if like um
i don’t know it so then i’d have to
decide do i begin with at least two major
categories things i know i don’t know
and things i don’t even know at all

let’s breathe together ok

anyway

i love you and right yes what i do know is

you make your daddy very happy.

one-man life jacket

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sometimes metaphors

come to life

for just a moment

and sometimes

we are fortunate enough

that capture that moment.

(also sometimes
we’re lucky enough
that our arms look
amaaaziiiiiing
in that moment and gosh
look how sweet she is
rubbing her eyes oh my
darling and my love)

nigh nigh

i like to hold my little girl
her name is scarlett houston
and sing to her at night
and feel her head grow heavy
and press into my chest
and her sweet and tiny fingers
pinch the fabric of my tshirt sleeve
and she holds on to her daddy
and says ‘bubbles’
or ‘nigh nigh’
at descending levels of volume
until i shush my singing
and say to her i love you
and she knows now is goodnight
and leans from my arms
over her crib and i lower her down
and she collects her blanket and her fox
and her bunny and her thoughts
and says ‘nigh nigh’ again.

to my scarlet(t) fox,

i just love my little girl.

i love her laugh

i love her eyes

i love how her face becomes a mixture of

mashed potatoes and popeye

when she is overjoyed to see me.

i love that she hits things as a sign of affection

and interest

i love that she needs to touch thisthisandthis

and maybe this

and this too and

no darlin’ those are scissors.

i love how she drops her chin

and throws that right eyebrow up

when we share a joke.

i love that she made me

more of me

i love how she loves me

and i miss her when she goes to sleep

and

i wish i could stay home with her every single day.

to my scarlet(t) fox,

i love you.

yes, i am sure.

yes, those two bottom teeth are adorable.

yes, i cannot wait to wake up and see you before i go to work.

i love you good morning good night,

i love you,

 

dad.

personally, i think thomas is a hero

i believe in 

Love, 

Hope,

Family,

Grace.

i believe i am nothing without them.

i believe they make me a better me.

i believe one of the greatest miracles of life and us, dear,

is a predisposition in *all* of us 

to hope,

to swing hard, to be bold in our hearts, to endure instead of surrender

because it means, i think, we are *meant* to hope, 

and if we are meant to hope,

(almost silly how simple, is it not?)

there is a reason to expect Hope be

Fulfilled.  

my scarlett fox

when i think of my little girl at night,

asleep upstairs while i work downstairs,

off-limits, because i don’t wanna wake her up,

so i shouldn’t talk to her or give her a kiss,

because you don’t do those things to sleeping 8 week olds,

you let them babies sleep,

i miss her and get a little sad and it’s not like i cry,

but i might get a little mopey and go upstairs and to bed earlier than i otherwise would,

so i can wake up and see her soon.